02-23-2018, 03:23 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-24-2018, 10:13 AM by Shido.
Edit Reason: phrasing, formatting
)
IGN: Nudeli
Genre: Comedy
Word Count: 669
"I've been thinking about something for a while" said Jay staring down at the palms of his hands.
With good grip from his sandals Ray kicked the side of his desk and swung around in an instant, spilling some of his coffee on his khaki shorts.
"Whazzup homeboy?" he said, as a drop of coffee descended along his tibia through a jungle of curly dark leg hair, all the way down to his white socks.
Jay responded with silence.
"Well?" said Ray while tapping his foot, his eyes shifting from the blaring blue light of the computer screen to the person slumped in the office chair in front of it. "What is it?"
"Why is it so easy to be mean and so hard to be nice?"
Ray stood up and walked over to the Nuova Simonelli Appia II Volumetric Espresso Machine next to the office door to refill his mug. He half sat, half leaned on the edge of the table and slowly brought the overfilled cup to his mouth. He took a sip and placed the mug beside him on the table and crossed his arms in a fatherly fashion over his short sleeved plaid shirt.
With his usual candor Ray started "Think of it like this. Pooping is easy, we do it effortlessly - always have, ever since we were born - we don't have to learn how to do it. No one needs to explain to you the timing of when to contract your sphincter or how forcefully. We essentially come in to the world as poop machines, disgustingly shitty, helpless in all domains - except we are good at making poop, crap, shit or even feces if you will. The expansive amount of words we have for it points to how fundamental it is to our existence"
Jay had swiveled his chair to face Ray, but not completely so as to not appear too aggressive. He was repulsed and it showed in his face despite his best efforts to hide it, but he was intrigued enough to see how things would unfold and decided not to interrupt. Even if he would've wanted to, he knew there was no point to try. There was no stopping Ray once he had started one of his lectures.
"Butt!" Ray exclaimed after letting the first point fester in the air for a bit, perhaps a bit too long. "We do have to learn how to wipe. We have to learn how to deal with the fact that we are indeed pooping machines destined to spread our fecal matter around us in this-"
"Okay I get it, we poop and we wipe, what's your point?" Ray looked sternly at Jay, Jay averted his eyes submissively.
"I was just about to get there before you cut me short." "My point is-" he stopped himself to remind Jay of his misstep. "My point, is that it's the same with our soul as it is with our corporeal body. As we are physically poop machines, so we are spiritually - the two are connected, they are parts of a whole. And it takes effort to clean out the crevices of our soul so as to not let it's filthy contents spew out into the world in unsophisticated manners, to the displeasure of those around us." Ray pondered the apparent profundity of what he had just uttered and nodded proudly in agreement.
Jay looked dumbfoundedly at Ray and mumbled "Why do I even both-", he cleared his throat, "I see" he said clearly, as he grabbed his chin and tried his best to look like he was struggling to process deep wisdom.
Ray picked up his coffee again, and with a proud grin on his face he walked back to his computer chair, balancing the mug carefully to avoid spills. They sat in silence for a moment and then they simultaneously turned back to their displays in perfect unison as if they had deliberately choreographed it and continued debugging the crevices of their code throughout the night.
Genre: Comedy
Word Count: 669
"I've been thinking about something for a while" said Jay staring down at the palms of his hands.
With good grip from his sandals Ray kicked the side of his desk and swung around in an instant, spilling some of his coffee on his khaki shorts.
"Whazzup homeboy?" he said, as a drop of coffee descended along his tibia through a jungle of curly dark leg hair, all the way down to his white socks.
Jay responded with silence.
"Well?" said Ray while tapping his foot, his eyes shifting from the blaring blue light of the computer screen to the person slumped in the office chair in front of it. "What is it?"
"Why is it so easy to be mean and so hard to be nice?"
Ray stood up and walked over to the Nuova Simonelli Appia II Volumetric Espresso Machine next to the office door to refill his mug. He half sat, half leaned on the edge of the table and slowly brought the overfilled cup to his mouth. He took a sip and placed the mug beside him on the table and crossed his arms in a fatherly fashion over his short sleeved plaid shirt.
With his usual candor Ray started "Think of it like this. Pooping is easy, we do it effortlessly - always have, ever since we were born - we don't have to learn how to do it. No one needs to explain to you the timing of when to contract your sphincter or how forcefully. We essentially come in to the world as poop machines, disgustingly shitty, helpless in all domains - except we are good at making poop, crap, shit or even feces if you will. The expansive amount of words we have for it points to how fundamental it is to our existence"
Jay had swiveled his chair to face Ray, but not completely so as to not appear too aggressive. He was repulsed and it showed in his face despite his best efforts to hide it, but he was intrigued enough to see how things would unfold and decided not to interrupt. Even if he would've wanted to, he knew there was no point to try. There was no stopping Ray once he had started one of his lectures.
"Butt!" Ray exclaimed after letting the first point fester in the air for a bit, perhaps a bit too long. "We do have to learn how to wipe. We have to learn how to deal with the fact that we are indeed pooping machines destined to spread our fecal matter around us in this-"
"Okay I get it, we poop and we wipe, what's your point?" Ray looked sternly at Jay, Jay averted his eyes submissively.
"I was just about to get there before you cut me short." "My point is-" he stopped himself to remind Jay of his misstep. "My point, is that it's the same with our soul as it is with our corporeal body. As we are physically poop machines, so we are spiritually - the two are connected, they are parts of a whole. And it takes effort to clean out the crevices of our soul so as to not let it's filthy contents spew out into the world in unsophisticated manners, to the displeasure of those around us." Ray pondered the apparent profundity of what he had just uttered and nodded proudly in agreement.
Jay looked dumbfoundedly at Ray and mumbled "Why do I even both-", he cleared his throat, "I see" he said clearly, as he grabbed his chin and tried his best to look like he was struggling to process deep wisdom.
Ray picked up his coffee again, and with a proud grin on his face he walked back to his computer chair, balancing the mug carefully to avoid spills. They sat in silence for a moment and then they simultaneously turned back to their displays in perfect unison as if they had deliberately choreographed it and continued debugging the crevices of their code throughout the night.